Guiding Children and Teens Through Grief After Sibling Loss
- info5629740
- Dec 19, 2024
- 3 min read
Guiding Children and Teens Through Grief After Sibling Loss
Written by Abbie Dalbec, RN, BSN, Freelance Nurse Writer, articlesbyabbie@gmail.com
Navigating grief over losing the life of your own child is devastating enough, but how does one navigate that while also explaining this loss to a sibling? A quick google search will tell you there are key points to remember – such as: validate their feelings, use the child’s name, share memories, be present and listen, and acknowledge their unique bond. It will also tell you what to avoid – minimizing their grief, giving unsolicited advice, pressuring them to talk if they don’t want to, and ignoring their feelings.
Having bullet point items to reference may be helpful to some, but everyone’s journey can be so uniquely different. Especially when it comes to the sibling’s ages. Regardless of age, it is important to tell the child as soon as possible with a simple, but truthful explanation. Utilizing words like “died” instead of “passed away” can seem harsh, but this will help children not to be confused or hopeful that their sibling will come back.
Supporting Your Child
Allow your child to guide the conversation with the questions they bring up. Showing emotion during these discussions is not only acceptable but also models healthy coping. Acknowledging why you feel the way you do can help them understand grief, but if your own grief is making it difficult to care for yourself or your other children, it’s important to speak up and ask for help. There are resources available to support you — you don’t have to carry this alone.
At Faith’s Lodge, the family retreats provide a space where grieving parents and siblings (up to age 18) can connect with others who understand. There, families find support, share their stories, and honor their child’s memory in a compassionate and understanding community. See retreat availability here.
Siblings can go through a range of emotions and potentially have regression in their development. Below is a chart that can help you recognize some of these behaviors.
Bibliotherapy
Research has also shown that bibliotherapy, also known as book therapy, is helpful. As one study shows, not only can bibliotherapy help preschool and school-aged children process their emotions, but many adults, even those with health literacy can have improved satisfaction, comprehension, and decreased anxiety (Baimas-George et al., 2022). Bibliotherapy can help with many facets of life when it comes to dealing with emotions. Provide younger children books with pictures to help them grasp onto concepts quicker. Books can provide a way to process information in a safe space, especially if reading books is something you have done with your children growing up. This can help foster family connections, guidance, and produce positive behaviors in a practical format (Weaver et al., 2022).
Remembering A Child
Another way to help you guide your child through this time is to give your child a role to help them remember their sibling. This can allow them to grieve while remembering their siblings in a healthy way. It can help them to grasp onto a project that is meaningful and provides them with direction. It allows them to be useful when they feel like their world is crumbling.
Through my experience with families who have lost a child in the NICU, there have been many ways that families have honored their child.
In family pictures going forward they will have a symbol to recognize the child they lost.
They will make jewelry that they wear every day to carry their child with them.
Holiday traditions will be put in place to have the memory of the child be present during the season.
Reminders will be put into calendars on milestones the child hit on that specific day.
These are just some of the many examples. However you choose to honor their memory, make it a family affair to provide that remembrance aspect piece for the family to come together over.
Additional Resource
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network offers incredible resources to help aid you in your conversation with sibling loss. Their website also provides insights into how children of different ages experience grief, helping you navigate this difficult time. As the NCTSN reports, ‘Each child grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way or length of time to grieve.’ You can explore their resources here.
References
Implementation of a Kid-Friendly Resource for Siblings of Hospitalized Neonates: A DNP Scholarly Paper, written by Thea Rogers