Honoring Children: How Love, Support, and Community Create Lasting Memorials

In the quiet of the mornings and the stillness of the nights, the questions that follow the loss of a child often echo the most. “Why?” It is the heavy heart's need to search for answers that may never fully come. But within this search, there lies an unwavering love that seeks to honor and remember. The Child Loss Foundation understands this profound need and, through our partnership with Murphy Granite, we can work with grieving parents to honor their children. We are so grateful to Holly for sharing her story and journey with us. Her courage allows us all to grasp the immense comfort and healing that comes from having a place to honor and remember those we hold dear.

Kyson, Braxton, and Sydney visiting their brother and sister's headstone.

Holly Otto’s Story: “Why?” It’s a question I have continued to ask myself over the last almost 4 years. It’ll be 4 years in September, that we had to say goodbye to one of our twin boys. Sawyer, my sweet “Baby B” was diagnosed with Congenital Pulmonary Airway Malformation (CPAM) when I was 18 weeks pregnant, at our anatomy scan. We were sad, scared, nervous, and yet we remained hopeful. Our doctors at Rochester Mayo told us the outcomes of CPAM babies, and it gave us hope. I was watched closely the following weeks. I was seen twice a week to have Sawyers mass measured. Some scans showed small growth, some scans showed a bit of shrinkage. We remained hopeful. 

On September 25, 2021, I delivered our twin boys via emergency c-section at 29 weeks. I had undiagnosed preeclampsia; the boys had to come out. When they were out, doctors instantly began helping our boys. As I was getting sewed up, the boys neonatal doctor came to talk to my husband and I. “Sawyer was worse than we thought he would be” were the words that came from his mouth. Tears started to flow. Fear started to sink in. The boys got transferred to St. Mary’s hospital for more help. My husband and I got brought over a few hours later to visit them. We took pictures. I held their hands through their incubators. Then, I was brought back to Mayo. A few hours later, we got a phone call from St. Mary’s. Sawyer was declining fast, and we needed to come back. The ambulance ride felt long. It was terrifying. The what ifs started to flow. The whys- “Why Sawyer?” “Why us?” I was mad.

We got to the NICU to say our goodbyes to Sawyer. His little body was not strong enough for surgery. Sawyer passed away on September 26, 2021, at 4:52am. He survived 14 hours, and then he was gone. 

We got back to Mayo Clinic and someone was already in my hospital room asking about funeral arrangements. I was mind blown, confused, angry, and sad. I didn’t even get a moment to process. To grieve. Nothing. We didn’t know what to do. We had never lost a child before. Someone came in and told us about the Child Loss BeliEve Fund (formerly The BeliEve Foundation). At the time, I was still trying to process everything. Everything went in one ear and out the other. I shoved the pamphlet they gave me in my bag. I didn’t want to think about funeral arrangements or how we were going to afford to bury our baby. I wanted to focus on our surviving twin. In October, my mom helped purchase a small casket, and Sawyer was buried less than a block away from our house. We knew we needed to get a headstone, but our main focus was getting our surviving twin Braxton out of the NICU. 

Fast forward to 2 years later. I was pregnant with our rainbow baby. I was anxious the entire pregnancy. I was scared something was going to go wrong again. 

It was time for my 18-week anatomy scan. The same scan that diagnosed Sawyer with CPAM. I was sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for my scan results when my High Risk doctor walked in. She had the same facial expression she had when she walked in with the news about Sawyer. I instantly knew something was wrong and asked her what it was. Our baby had Vein of Galen Malformation (VOGM) a very rare condition. Our doctor was just as shocked and confused as we were. How? Why? Another malformation? None of which were genetic. We again held onto hope. I had twice a week scans again, and we remained hopeful. 

On June 13, 2023, at 24 weeks, I delivered our sweet sleeping baby girl, Brynlee. Her condition was just too severe, her heart stopped beating. I was lost. I was confused. I was mad. I was sad. I was back to asking “Why?” “Why Brynlee?” “Why us?” 

When we got out of the hospital, I went digging for my pamphlet about the Child Loss BeliEve Fund that I had gotten after we lost Sawyer. It was time I reached out to them to see if they could help me. Goodness, did they help me. 

They told me they would help us with the cost of a headstone and connected me with Murphy Granite. They said to tell them our story and they would help us come up with a beautiful headstone for our two angels. So, I called. They helped me every step up the way. They helped me create the most beautiful headstone for our angels. They told me it may take a while, but they would get to work. 

It was less than a year, and I was pregnant with our double rainbow. Our 18-week anatomy scan arrived, and I was anxious, again. I was waiting in the waiting room, and as the door opened, I instantly looked at the face of our high risk doctor. It was the same face I had seen for Sawyer and Brynlee. Tears instantly fell down my face. Our sweet baby had Fetal Ascites, and baby was not doing good.  We remained hopeful. 

On April 16, 2024, I delivered our daughter Parker at 20 weeks, sleeping. Her condition was too much for her small little body and her heart stopped beating. I was lost. I was confused. I was mad. I was sad. I was back to asking “Why?” “Why Parker?” “Why us?” 

I called the Child Loss BeliEve Fund and told them about Parker. They were just as hurt as we were. They told us they could offer extra financial support  and work with Murphy Granite to get Parker’s name added. 

I called Murphy Granite and was told that Sawyer and Brynlee’s headstone was already done, so they would have to order a new face plate in order to add Parker’s name to the headstone. The Child Loss BeliEVE Fund ensured this could happen. I am forever grateful to them for helping me get my babies something so beautiful. 

On April 27, 2024, I delivered our daughter Sydney. She was perfect. She was healthy, she was alive! After 4 years, I formed a great relationship with the staff at the Child Loss BeliEVE Fund and Murphy Granite, I had to share the news. They were just as happy about the arrival of our triple rainbow as we were! They added Sydney’s name to the bottom of the headstone with her surviving brother Braxton and their oldest brother Kyson’s name. The headstone was officially finished, and Sawyer, Brynlee and Parker had something beautiful just for them. Something their brothers and sister could visit and appreciate.

I don’t know if we would something so beautiful if it wasn’t for the Child Loss BeliEve Fund and Murphy Granite. With their support towards a headstone for my 3 angels, their encouragement, and all their help, I don’t know what I would do without them. 

I still often ask “Why?” I’m sure I always will. But now, I’m also saying thank you. I would not have Sydney, if I wouldn’t have lost Sawyer, Brynlee and Parker. So as much sadness as I have for their loss, I’m also grateful they sent me their little sister.  

Holly Otto’s journey through loss and love portrays the raw and honest path many families must navigate. While we cannot ease the ever-present question of “Why?”, we know that hope and light can be found in lasting memorials. As Holly’s story poignantly illustrates, the headstone for Sawyer, Brynlee, and Parker is more than a marker; it is an expression of the love and memory that she carries with her. We are hopeful that with our support and the beautiful work that Murphy Granite does, we can offer a deep breath, and a space to remember and honor the irreplaceable children who are forever loved, forever missed, and forever remembered.